You find such fun in conceiving new concepts, and it makes your writing fresh, exiting and rewarding to read. Let's be honest with ourselves and eliminate fake fairness.
I think about this essay a lot. May fake fairness wane, and our relationships move closer towards shared celebration rather than deprivation. Thank you for your honest and brilliant writing
People need to do solo activities, regardless of whatever interpersonal relationships they have or don't have. That's the primary goal of individuality
Thanks for sharing your thinking and insights, Jamila! It was helpful reflecting on my marriage, family and friendships through these lenses as I read and I’ll continue to ponder this.
I kept thinking "where have I heard these concepts before?" until I realized we're TikTok mutuals lol. I also think people lean towards fake fairness because it's easily quantifiable - you did the dishes last night, so I do them tonight, and now we have a physical representation of fairness in our relationship. But if our needs and desires are different, it becomes harder to gauge if our relationship is fair without a check-in. Maybe that's exactly what will make us closer though...
For the first time I can really say I am not a good friend because I am guilty of all these. I have always considered fairness to be one of my values but somewhere along the lines I lost it.
The general ideas in this post have been regularly on my mind for quite some time. I always felt like the person of greater awareness and understanding in the relationship had to suffer loss for the "better" of the relationship. Because the person of lesser understanding wouldn't be able to adapt well, if at all. This broadened my perspective on the possibilities.thank you for writing
I enjoyed reading this -- it resonates. I often say: relationships aren't a competition to see who asks for and needs the least! Thank you.
I remember watching a video that discussed how love, being sacrificial at its core, implies inconveniencing our loved ones.
“Mutual satisfaction” and protection each other’s “solitude” stand out. Gratitude,
Brilliant. Counting my blessings coming across this in the time I did. Looking forward to reading your book ! ⭐⭐⭐⭐
You find such fun in conceiving new concepts, and it makes your writing fresh, exiting and rewarding to read. Let's be honest with ourselves and eliminate fake fairness.
I think about this essay a lot. May fake fairness wane, and our relationships move closer towards shared celebration rather than deprivation. Thank you for your honest and brilliant writing
"Labeling people, instead of transforming how we're relating" ... needed to hear this, can't wait for the book 🙌🏽
There's also amatonormativity
People need to do solo activities, regardless of whatever interpersonal relationships they have or don't have. That's the primary goal of individuality
mmm....not asking cos i wouldnt give it is a hard one to let go of.
Thanks for sharing your thinking and insights, Jamila! It was helpful reflecting on my marriage, family and friendships through these lenses as I read and I’ll continue to ponder this.
I love Jamila's mind. Her book will be scripture in my home.
I kept thinking "where have I heard these concepts before?" until I realized we're TikTok mutuals lol. I also think people lean towards fake fairness because it's easily quantifiable - you did the dishes last night, so I do them tonight, and now we have a physical representation of fairness in our relationship. But if our needs and desires are different, it becomes harder to gauge if our relationship is fair without a check-in. Maybe that's exactly what will make us closer though...
For the first time I can really say I am not a good friend because I am guilty of all these. I have always considered fairness to be one of my values but somewhere along the lines I lost it.
Ugh, this. Thank you for calling out what many of us didn't have the language for.
“Relationships thrive when we allow each other to be human, full of contradictions and complexity.” Love this!
The general ideas in this post have been regularly on my mind for quite some time. I always felt like the person of greater awareness and understanding in the relationship had to suffer loss for the "better" of the relationship. Because the person of lesser understanding wouldn't be able to adapt well, if at all. This broadened my perspective on the possibilities.thank you for writing