Decentering Men, Capitalism, Supremacy Culture and Fundamentalism: Initial Findings + Framework

update from the writers desk

In the process of writing my book, I’ve been reflecting on the ways these systems shape our lives and how we can liberate ourselves from them through belief system deconstruction. I’ve designed this six-stage framework to help identify where we are in the process of change, offering a roadmap for unlearning and relearning.

I realize it's been quite some time since I've updated about my process writing in kinship, or made some thing specifically for my paid subscribers. I've spent quite a bit of time studying how people are able to extract and uproot the values fundamentalist belief systems, dominance and supremacy culture, and patriarchy that are subconsciously installed by these systems. These are my initial findings that I will be building a body of exercises and work around over the next months:

Discovering/Detecting: Unlearning/Deprogramming

The first step is awareness. You start to notice the invisible forces shaping your thoughts, choices, and relationships. You might feel unsettled or like you're "waking up" to a hidden reality. It's in this phase that you become aware of the invisible Man, cop et al installed in your head since birth. You notice the way media has shaped your ideas about yourself, and the world around you.

This is the first crack in the foundation—the moment you begin to feel uncomfortable or aware of these values being centered in your life, and how they guide your actions, thoughts, and behaviors. Maybe it’s realizing how often you base your worth on external validation or how much of your energy is tied to systems or ideas that don’t truly serve you. The point is: something that was once insidious, invisible and in charge has been exposed.

Disruption: Unlearning/Deprogramming

Disruption begins with action. Now we can see it, which means we can start getting in the way. You start to question and push back, often in small but powerful ways. Maybe you unfollow influencers or accounts that reinforce harmful ideas— Kim Kardashian, haul culture, dating gurus, or extreme dieting advice. These steps disrupt the flow of narratives that no longer align with your emerging values. This stage you're allowed to run interference on some thing that was ones operating in silence and an invisibility.

There's an expression of this that I love that goes as follows:

Question: what's the first thing that you do when you realize that there's a flood in your bathroom?

Many people may be inclined to begin, knocking about with wrenches, grabbing towels to mop up the floor. Bu tthe answer is much simpler.

Turn off the water.

Disengagement: Relearning/Reprogramming

Here, you take a deliberate step back. You stop participating in or feeding into systems or dynamics that once held your focus. This is where boundaries are built, and you begin to explore life on your terms. I want to remind you that although deconstruction makes the world inherently better place, is the purpose of decentering the systems and structures in your life is to be able to get to the root of who you are. To give yourself the freedom to self-actualize.

Disengagement comes with consequences. This is the phase where you take deliberate action to separate yourself from harmful systems or dynamics, even when it’s uncomfortable. Maybe it’s not jumping up to overdo your share of domestic labor, setting boundaries with family members or friends, or removing yourself from environments and communities that no longer align with your values. These shifts might cause friction, but they are necessary for your growth.

Decentering: Relearning/Reprogramming

Decentering is where the shift becomes intentional. It’s about stationing yourself at the center of your own life and engaging in practices that help reinforce this perspective. This might include doing reflective exercises, journaling to uncover what you truly want, or actively building relationships that prioritize mutual respect and reciprocity.

This stage invites you to reimagine your goals and ideals from this new vantage point. Instead of striving for societal benchmarks or external validation, you start defining success, happiness, and connection on your terms. What kind of life do you want to build when you are no longer shaped by the expectations of systems or others? This is the work of decentering—rediscovering your agency and rewriting your narrative.

Recentering: Integration

Recentering is the final stage, where the work of unlearning and relearning comes together in a balanced, intentional way. This is the phase where you create a life that feels aligned with your values and authentic to your truest self. However, it’s also a stage that requires ongoing mindfulness.

As you integrate your new perspectives, it’s important to remain vigilant against the subtle ways harmful values can creep back in. Whether it’s patriarchy, capitalism, or any belief system rooted in dominance, scarcity, or control, these forces can still influence our thoughts and decisions.

Recentering asks us to pause and examine: Are we recreating old hierarchies or patterns in new ways? Are we still striving for validation or success based on someone else’s standards?

In this stage, you cultivate a practice of self-awareness, questioning where your motivations and values stem from. You allow yourself to dream and act from a place of abundance, connection, and mutual care, resisting the pull of scarcity or competition. This is where you find clarity and integrate the lessons of decentering into a sustainable, joyful way of living.